


You Don’t Know, Man; You Weren’t There!

by Pretending2BeMe



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Anger, Angst, Blow Jobs, Confessions, Episode: Top Gear Vietnam Special, Eventual Happy Ending, First Time, Jealousy, M/M, sex in a boat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 10:54:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12479960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pretending2BeMe/pseuds/Pretending2BeMe
Summary: Jeremy is horrid, Richard is starving and James finds love via a Kellogg’s Variety Pack.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy is this thing angsty! The boys are so angsty and angry at each other it's unbelievable. Don't worry though, it all comes good in the end.
> 
> There's a lot of bad language in it too, if that sort of thing bothers you.

Richard fixed Jeremy with the death stare; “I swear to god, if you shove those chopsticks at me one more time, I’m gonna lay you out.”

Jeremy laughed and shook his head, “I’d like to see you try!” he mocked, jabbing the meat-laden sticks at Richard one more time.

Throwing himself to his feet with enough force to send his small plastic chair flying backwards, Richard gripped the edge of the table, fully intending to send that flying too but with rage skimming the surface, a tiny shred of sense peaked within him and he held his breath and bit down on the inside of his mouth. In that tiny heartbeat he saw the look of goading challenge on Jeremy’s face for what it was.  “Fuck you!” he ground out before shoving the table into Jeremy’s stomach and storming off.

James, who had sat silently through it all, turned in his seat to face Jeremy, “You really are an insensitive prick, Clarkson.”

“Oh bugger off, am I!” scoffed Jeremy as he popped the unknown meat into his mouth. “If he wants to act like a child and not eat anything, that’s his look-out, just don’t expect me to put up with his whingeing.”

James, being too hot and too exhausted to fight simply shook his head, sighed and went in search of Richard. Before he’d even left the cafe, Jeremy was already scraping James’ leftover lunch onto his own plate.

*

James found Richard sat on the pavement in the next street. He was against the wall in the shadow of a building with arms draped over knees and head down. As he drew level, Richard looked up at him, squinting in the bright sunlight. Although his anger had waned, he was still wound up, “If you’ve come to take the piss, you can fuck off an’ all,” he spat.

Calm as ever, James sat down on the concrete next to Richard, “I haven’t, I’ve come to see you’re ok.”

Sighing, Richard ran a hand through his hair, “Sorry mate,” he said quietly.

“It’s alright. You shouldn’t take any notice of him, you know.”

“That’s easy for you to say, he hasn’t been trying to force-feed you fuck-knows-what for the last two days.”

“I know, but he’s not exactly finding this trip easy either-”

Richard cut James off with a wave of his hand, “It was his idea; it’s not my fault he can’t ride is it? Just like it’s not my fault I can’t eat anything.”

Deciding that it was best to leave the subject of Jeremy alone, James changed tack and gently asked, “When _was_ the last time you ate anything, Rich?”

“Apart from chewing gum and lager; those biscuits I had on the plane,” answered Richard, mournfully.

“Fucking hell, Hammond; you’ve got to put something in. What with the heat and the eighteen hour days…”

“It’s not like a bloody eating disorder or anything, I just know what I like and Vietnamese food isn’t it.”

Raising his hips off the ground, James fumbled in the pocket of his khaki’s. Pulling out half a packet of Fruit Pastilles he nudged Richard and said, “Here, have these, it’s not much but at least it’s sugar,” adding, “They’re from home,” as an afterthought.

Tearing at the paper wrapping, Richard nodded his thanks, “Is it a bad time to mention that I only like the red and the orange ones?” he said with a sheepish grin.

Huffing out a laugh, James shook his head, “Tell you what, you eat the ones you like and give the rest back to me later.”  Squeezing Richard’s knee, he levered himself upright, “Come on, it’ll be time to get going soon; if you promise not to murder Jez, I’ll see if I can find you something to eat tonight.”

Popping a sweet into his mouth, Richard stood up, “It’ll be a struggle but I’ll do my best.”  Just as James went to walk away, Richard grabbed his arm and pulled him back, “Thanks James,” he said quietly.

James simply smiled; he knew Richard wasn’t just talking about the sweets.


	2. Chapter 2

When they finally pulled up at the hotel that night, James hung back whilst the crew went to check in; he didn’t want an audience for what he was about to do.

Trying for nonchalance, he approached the camera van and leant against the open door, “Alright mate?” he asked.

Iain, knelt in the back of the van packing away the last of his kit, jumped at James’ unexpected approach, “Jesus, May; don’t do that!”

“Sorry,” James said with a laugh. “I was just wondering… have you got any food?”

Iain clicked the lid shut on his dry box and turned to face James. Tilting his head in confusion, he said, “Andy’s already sorted dinner, the kitchen staff agreed to stay on until we got here.”

“It’s not for me, it’s for Hammond.”

“Ah.” Iain thought for a moment before darting further into the van. After a few minutes of clambering over camera boxes and searching through other assorted equipment, he emerged with a slightly dented Kellogg’s Variety Pack. “God knows how long they’ve been in here but you know what Ben’s like, he keeps all sorts of random crap.”

“Thanks mate, I’ve got to get him eating something.”

Just as James reached for the cereal, Iain whipped them out of reach, “Not so fast, you scavenger, these don’t come free you know; 30 000 dong should cover it.”

Pausing for a moment to calculate the exchange rate, James considered; while £10 was a bit steep for cereal, it was worth it to keep Richard alive for the duration. “Alright,” he said, reaching for his wallet.

“Fuck off, you numpty, I was joking!” laughed Iain as he threw the package at James and jumped from the van.

James slipped the cereal into his blue messenger bag with a laugh, “Cheers.  Listen, do us a favour and keep this quiet; Jeremy really doesn’t need any more ammunition right now.”

“Tell me about it.  It’s not just Hammond, everyone’s getting it,” sighed Iain.  “Something’s got to be done, he’s unbearable.”

James shook his head in resignation, “I know mate, I know.”

 *

The hotel room that Richard found himself in was pretty standard fare and brought no surprises. Dumping his suitcase on the floor, he emptied the contents of his pockets on the bedside cabinet and threw himself down on the double bed that was his for the night. With a loud sigh he said, “I don’t know whether to kill him or feel sorry for him.”

James, who had already dumped his case in his own room, kicked off his shoes and sat down next to Richard. Tucking one foot under his thigh, he asked, “Who, Jeremy?”

“Yeah.  I know he’s only being a shit because he’s finding it tough out there but he doesn’t have to make the rest of us suffer does he.  It’s a long bloody way to Ha Long City and he’s just spoiling it. I really enjoyed it out there today, the bike is bloody brilliant to ride and this place is amazing but Jez is just pissing me off.”

“You’re not the only one mate, believe me; but I honestly don’t know what to do.  We need to find some way of getting through to him.”

“My fist in his face might,” laughed Richard.

“Yeah, let’s put that on the back-burner for now, shall we?” teased James. “Maybe, just maybe, we should cut him a bit of slack.”

Richard rolled his eyes but said nothing.

“Come on, Rich,” continued James, “We might play the whole ‘leave a man in the field’ routine but we look out for each other, we always have.”

Again Richard said nothing; he hated it when James was right.

James picked up his bag and dipped his hand inside, slowly revealing the contents, “Anyway,” he said with a smile, “Look what I managed to dig up.”

Realising what it was, Richard flew upright, “Oh you hero!” he squealed before taking James completely by surprise and throwing his arms around him and squeezing tightly.

_Oh god! Don’t do that. Get off. Don’t move. Stay. Oh god!_

James’ brain was a whirlwind and he hadn’t a clue what to do. Over the years he’d carefully cultivated a ‘No Touch’ policy in order to deal with what he secretly called ‘The Hammond Problem’ but here he was, in the very position (well, one of them anyway) that he’d craved for years and he couldn’t function. Not one bit. His brain had gone into meltdown and his limbs had forgotten what they were supposed to do. So, like an idiot, he just sat there, totally stunned with a very happy hamster clamped to his chest. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, salient thought returned and he managed to say, “Hammond; you’re hugging me.”

“Yes I am,” answered Richard, his words muffled against James’ shoulder. “Should I stop now?”

“That might be a good idea, yeah.”

“Right.”  Richard slowly let go and sat back, giving James a lopsided smile.  “Sorry about that but I’m absolutely fucking starving and the sight of food I can actually eat must have sent me barmy for a minute.”

James practically disappeared inside his bag in an effort to hide his blushes, “It’s alright, I’ll let you off just this once,” he said as he fumbled with a bowl, a spoon and umpteen tiny pots of milk.  “I begged these from the girl on reception,” he added to change the subject.

Richard, who had already ripped off the plastic wrapper and was busy trying to choose between Frosties and Coco Pops burst out laughing, “Bloody hell, James, you mean you actually managed to charm a woman into giving you something?”

“I _was_ a struggle, I’ll grant you but she caved in the end.”

Settling on the Frosties, Richard tore open the box and started on the milk, “How much did you pay her?”

“About three quid,” laughed James.

The pair sat together for the next fifteen minutes in an easy silence that was broken only by the crunching of Hammond’s cereal and his occasional moans of happiness at finally getting something to eat. When he had finally finished _and_ slurped up the last of milk, Richard looked up at James and gave him the biggest grin imaginable, “Thanks mate; that was wonderful.”

James tried to shrug it off as nothing but secretly, his insides were turning somersaults. To see Hammond so happy over something so simple was amazing and the fact that he’d helped to create it damn near knocked him senseless. “Oh shut up!” he said, mentally pushing Richard away, “Look, there’s a crate of beers downstairs with our names on, are you coming or what?”

Standing up, Richard clapped a hand on James’ back, “I might not be able to eat, but drink I can definitely do!” 


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, both James and Richard made a conscious effort with Jeremy, his mood somewhat alleviated by copious amounts of snake Vodka the night before but by the time they reached their overnight halt in Nha Trang; things had taken a turn for the worse once more.  Whilst on the surface, Jeremy seemed quite cheery; dinner was a trial by torture for everyone with his humour-laden but pointed insults towards Richard and most of the crew.  He also spent an inordinate amount of time moaning about everything from the state of his Vespa to the weather and how difficult it was to smoke on the bike - the list was endless.

Richard had sat in front of a plate of noodles just for forms sake but pushed them around his plate while staring daggers at his older colleague every time Jeremy so much as looked at him and James had eaten hunched over in silence, hoping against hope that nothing would kick off.

Eventually, everyone had eaten as much as they were going to and had begun to disperse, either to the bar or to bed.  Looking pointedly across the table at Richard, James stood up and announced he was turning in.  As he fielded the traditional jokes about exactly what it was he was going to turn into, Richard rose quietly from the table and attempted to leave the dining room without being spotted.  Unfortunately for everyone, he wasn’t so lucky.

“Oi, Hammond!” hollered Jeremy across the dining room, “No pudding for you until you’ve cleared your plate.”

Throwing the ‘Be supportive to Clarkson’ plan out of the window, Richard spun on his heel all ready to let fly with either words or fists – he didn’t care which – until he caught sight of James silently shaking his head and mouthing “No” at him.  Sucking in a breath in an effort to keep control, he stood his ground and said nothing.

James, more disappointed than angry; tossed Jeremy a look and crossed the room to join Richard.  Slinging his arm around his shoulder, he guided him towards the lift. In a stage whisper he said, “Ignore him, Rich, he’s just pissed off because he needs stabilisers on his bike for the first time in forty years.”

*

As Richard tucked into a bowl of Cornflakes, this time laced with pilfered sugar, James paced the floor in annoyance, “I thought we were starting to get somewhere today.  He wasn’t nearly as horrid as he has been - he even went off earlier to buy you a present.”

Richard, fed up with talking about Jeremy, chose to focus on more important matters, “Was that before or after you crushed my helmet?” he replied before collapsing into giggles at the unintended double entendre.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” laughed James, “I was trying to cheer him up.”

“At my expense!” counted Richard between mouthfuls. “Nah, it’s alright, it was quite funny really.  I didn’t know you could be paralytic with worry; who knew you cared that much.”

“I care more than you’ll ever know, Rich,” James answered, without thinking. As soon as his words had landed, panic shot through him. _Shit!_   Thankfully though, it seemed that Richard was too busy chasing the last cornflake around the bowl and hadn’t heard. Immediately needing to escape, James reached for Richard’s spoon, “Come on, Hammond, hurry up. Iain wants to film the big ‘gift giving’ and the sooner it’s done etcetera.”

“Since when did you become Captain Speedy?” teased Richard as he whipped his hand away. “I haven’t bloody finished yet; five more minutes won’t hurt.”

_It might hurt me if I can’t keep my mouth shut_.

*

In the bar, Iain was setting up the camera when Jeremy stomped over, “Where are Fred and Barney? I want this done.”

Concentrating on his kit, Iain answered without thinking, “They’ll be down in a minute; Richard’s just having something to eat.”

“What?!”

_Bollocks!_ Iain jolted up, “Look, I wasn’t supposed to say anything but James nabbed some cereal off me the other day and he’s been giving it to Hammond in the evening; so he doesn’t, you know, starve.”

A sly smile spread across Jeremy’s face, “Has he now?”

Before Iain could make Jeremy promise to keep it to himself, Richard, keyed up for the scene, bounded into the room with James just behind.  Punching Jeremy playfully on the arm he sat on the sofa in front of the camera and said, “Come on then, Clarkson; let’s see what you’ve bought me.”

Whilst the camera was running it was all fun and games but as soon as the cut was called, Jeremy rounded on Richard, “So, Hammond, what’s this I hear about James feeding you in secret like some anorexic teenager?” He knew he was being nasty but he didn’t care, he was fed up with struggling alone all day, he was sick of being left out whilst James and Richard sped off together during the day and drank together every night and he’d had more than enough of Hammond’s incessant chirpiness; it was high time they took some notice of him for a change.

James threw Iain a look of pure disgust and Richard tried to stammer his way out of it but Jeremy continued on, “So which is it, breast milk or formula?”

Richard was on his feet so fast; the giant model sailing ship he’d just received went flying to the floor with a thump. With adrenaline flaring in him, a red hot rage took over, turning his brown eyes black with absolute loathing. Grabbing Jeremy by the shirt, he literally snarled in anger.  He’d tried to be nice, to be supportive even but this a step too far! Drawing back his fist, he prepared to do what he’d been wanting to do for days but in the nano-second before his fist connected, James was between him and Jeremy, shoving them both apart.

Holding Jeremy by the shirt he braced his arm tight and thrust Richard backwards onto the sofa, “I’m saving you, not him,” he hissed through gritted teeth.  Turning back to Jeremy, he gripped tighter at the cotton in his hand and, grabbing his arm with the other hand, he manhandled him across the bar and out onto the balcony.

Once outside, Jeremy tried to shake himself free but James held fast, knuckles pressing hard into Jeremy’s sternum and fingers digging into his forearm hard enough to bruise. Marching forwards, James trapped Jeremy against the metal railings.

Instinctively, Jeremy grabbed the railing at his back as panic made him believe that James might just push him over. Opening his mouth to fight, his words were halted by the steel in James’ eyes. He’d only seen that look once before and he knew that he’d gone too far – _way_ too far.

Despite James’ intensity of both action and gaze, he didn’t want to attack – he wanted to defend so instead of heaping a tirade of retribution upon Jeremy he simply stared him down.

The seconds ticked by but neither man moved. Finally, James let out a huge sigh and spoke; his voice dangerously level and each word clearly enunciated, “Stop acting like a total cunt.”

With one final shove, James turned and walked back inside.

Huffing out his relief, Jeremy pulled his cigarettes from the pocket of his khaki’s and lit one up.  Turning his head, he noticed Andy sitting in a wicker chair in the corner, beer in hand and disapproval written all over his face.  Hoping for a sympathetic ear, Jeremy asked, “Did you hear that?”

“Yeah I did,” stated Andy levelly. “And he’s not wrong.”

“Oh don’t you fucking start on me and all!” Jeremy shot, annoyed at his oldest ally’s lack of support.

Andy took a swig of beer, playing for time. He didn’t want to argue but Jeremy needed to be told about himself.  Lighting a cigarette, he let the moment stretch as he decided on the right words. Trying his best to conceal his annoyance he said, “Will you take your head out of your arse for one minute. It may have escaped your notice but you’re not the only one with problems. Filming’s a bloody nightmare, the sounds just as bad and I’m in the middle of a diplomatic minefield but all you can think about is yourself.”

In spite of himself, Jeremy knew that Andy was right; he had been behaving like a total bastard but he was not quite ready to back down. “You think I don’t know that?”  he said mournfully. “But you try doing my job for five minutes. It’s not easy out there you know, and Barry Sheene and his boyfriend are just making things worse. They’re really pissing me off.”

Andy was in no mood for Jeremy’s self-pity, and he finally let his aggravation show, “I’ll tell you what’s pissing you off shall I? The fact that for the first time in your life you can’t lord it over everyone and be the great Jeremy Clarkson. Now, do us all a favour; get rid of your fucking ego and stop acting like a prima donna!”  Wrenching himself from his chair, Andy threw his half-smoked cigarette far over the balcony and stalked back inside.

Jeremy just stood and stared.


	4. Chapter 4

As the Super Cub spluttered and died, James swore loudly at the pouring sky. He was soaked through to the skin, freezing cold and now he’d run out oomph to get him up the damn hill. _Bastard Universe!_

Kicking the rear tyre, he ranted some more about his lot to the perfectly dry camera and soundman who were laughing in their over-sized macs.

“That’s very un-BBC language, James,” teased Iain as he sped off into the distance.

“Sod off!”

James wrenched off his colander helmet and shook the water from his hair. Delving into his bag he found his cigarettes and lighter which were mercifully only a little damp and they only needed a little light persuasion to spark. Inhaling deeply, he walked down the mountain road little just to stretch his legs.

Turning to the misty view on the other side of the valley far below, he took a few breaths to gather himself and tried to think of what to do next. Everyone had followed the TG code and indeed sodded off and the only way to get to the meeting point was to walk. _Dammit!_

Peering through the pouring rain at the far away trees and even further mountain top that was the day’s aim; a pang of utter desolation ran through him. He suddenly felt very small and very alone against the vastness of the scene in front of him. God, he wanted Richard.

Yes he would take the piss about his misfortune but at least he would help - eventually. Anyway, eternal ribbing was par for the course with Richard and James easily put up with it because it was what made him, him. Part of him hoped that it was the adult equivalent of pulling a girl’s pigtails in school if you liked them. Thoughts of Richard pulling his hair in passion flashed unbidden across his mind but that just made him feel even more hopeless.

Mentally shaking the image away, he turned his thoughts to the previous night’s events. There had been appalling behaviour on all sides and he owed Jeremy an apology; they were a team and nothing should break that.  Suddenly, in the lonely gloom of a Vietnamese rainstorm, he saw things from Jeremy’s perspective. The abandonment he felt at that moment translated over and he knew exactly what Jeremy had been feeling throughout the whole trip. It wasn’t nice to be left to struggle alone and that’s exactly what he’d done – he’d become too pre-occupied with Richard and his needs that he’d forgotten that Jeremy needed him too. He’d been a terrible friend to him and he resolved to do whatever he could to fix that as soon as he met up with him again – _if_ he met up with him again.

Sighing, he threw his cigarette end over the cliff edge and walked back to his bike. With a sinking feeling in his heart that he had in fact, picked the wrong one for such a journey, he began to push.

*

Richard had been giving James ‘The Look’ throughout dinner, getting more and more urgent with each go round. Eventually, he walked round the dining table and whispered in his ear, “Can we go upstairs?”

James knew what he asking for but his thoughts were on Jeremy. He’d forced a seat beside him at dinner and they’d both tried for conversation but nothing was yet settled. “My stuff’s in my room, just grab what you want and go.” He saw the disappointment in Richard’s eyes but ignored it. He couldn’t split himself in two.

Jeremy however, did not. “What’s up? You two had a barney?” he fished.

“No; nothing like that,” answered James dismissively. “Fancy a beer?” he added getting up and heading to the bar.

After buying two beers of unknown origin, James directed Jeremy outside to the large swimming pool.  Pulling off his shoes, he rolled up his trousers and, sitting on the edge, he sank his feet into the clear blue water.  The whole area was surrounded with palm trees and outdoor fairy lights and lamps and there was a mercifully cool breeze coming in from the beach that was a mere stones-throw away.  There were a few people milling about but not enough to bother about.

“Shame we missed the sunset,” said Jeremy, sitting himself at the water’s edge next to James.

“There’ll be another one tomorrow,” James joked before taking a deep breath and saying, “Listen, about last night-”

Jeremy cut him off with a wave of his bottle, “If you’re about to go all soppy on me and apologise, you can shut up. I’m the one with something to be sorry about. You were right, I _have_ been acting like a total cunt and I needed putting in my place.” Taking a mouthful of lager, he added, “I’m not sure you needed to push me off a balcony to do it though.”

James turned sharply but saw the humour in Jeremy’s eyes, “Be careful, Clarkson, I still might,” he teased.

Jeremy smiled sheepishly and lowered his head toward his lap. Picking at the label on his beer bottle, he spoke up once more, “Being brutally honest, James, I’ve found things really hard – harder than I thought I would but I really shouldn’t have taken it out on you and what I said to Rich was unforgivable and for that I am sorry.”

“Tell him, not me.”

“I will.”

For a few minutes the pair sat in easy silence as they both drank their beers and swished their feet in the cool water until James nudged Jeremy in the side and laughed, “You told me not to be soppy and you just pulled out the soppiest apology of them all. For a minute there, I thought there was going to be tears and a rending of garments.”

Jeremy took the tease in the spirit it was intended and playfully shoved James on the arm that almost tipped him to the water.

“You know what we need?” Jeremy said.

“A bloody break!” James announced.

“Exactly. I say fuck it; let’s take a few days off and hang out here for a bit before we all go insane.”

“You’ll get no argument from me but what about-”

“Stuff the schedule; we’ll get a train to Ha Long if we have to. Every other show fakes shit, why shouldn’t we? Just this once mind you.”

James held up his beer and chinked a ‘cheers’ with Jeremy. “Sold.” Cocking a hopeful eyebrow he asked, “Mates again?”

Jeremy slung his arm around James’ shoulders and held tight to stop him wriggling free, “Mates,” he said softly.

Richard looked out of his hotel room window at the pool below and with a mixture of sadness and jealousy running through him, he scowled. The only sound in the otherwise empty room was the Snap, Crackle and Pop of his cereal.


	5. Chapter 5

The couple of days rest and relaxation in Hoi An had done everyone the power of good. There were apologies all round, everyone had agreed that the next epic road trip would be much better planned and Jeremy had made everyone cross their hearts and hope to die that they would NEVER have anything to do with motorbikes ever again as long as they all lived. The biggest surprise however was Richard finally taking an interest in some of the food on offer. Well, if eating half a bowl of noodles and taking a tentative bite out of James’ sandwich was the definition of ‘interest’ then he taking it.

But, all too soon, it was time to get back on the road and back to work and as usual, Richard was running late.

The next leg to Huê was going to be hard-going and there was no guarantee of a decent shower at the end of it which was why he’d been standing under the steaming water for the best part of half an hour. He knew he was cutting it fine but he really didn’t care; revelling as he was in the solitude and the power behind the water. As he washed, he began to sing random snippets of anything that popped into his head. Settling on ‘Whole Lotta Love’ by Led Zeppelin, he poured the hotel shampoo into his hands and dumped it onto his hair. Using the small bottle as a microphone, he closed his eyes and really went for it. In that moment he _was_ Robert Plant and he was singing to a stadium of screaming fans.

A-way, way down inside  
A-honey you need-ah  
I'm gonna give you my love, ah  
I'm gonna give you my love, ah oh

By the time he reached the third verse, he was in full-on Rock Star mode – hips wiggling obscenely, hair flailing shampoo drops every which way, lyrics bouncing loudly off the tiles and total oblivion as to how stupid he looked. He was enjoying himself and he didn’t care.

You've been cooling  
And baby I've been drooling  
All the good times, baby  
I've been misusing…

As the words echoed around the small room, thoughts of James flashed through his mind and he stopped singing. Of course, they had always been close but this trip had brought them closer still. He had grown used to having James riding next to him during the day and sitting with him at night while he ate his cereal. The last couple of days had only cemented that closeness and the afternoon they spent together messing about and riding their bikes in the sea had left him feeling happier than he had in a long time. Although, even though he knew it was childish in the extreme, he couldn’t help the green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head when he had been passed over and James had gone drinking with Jeremy in the evenings. James was _his_ friend and he absolutely did NOT want to share. _What was that all about?_

As the jealous anger spiked against his will, his thoughts were snapped by a knock at the door.

Naked and soaking, Richard ran from the shower and opened the door a fraction, “Oh, it’s you,” he said as James stepped in to his room.

James was lost for words as Richard’s bare arse dashed across the bedroom and back into the bathroom, “Give me a minute, I just need to rinse off,” he called through the open door.

“Right,” James mumbled, feigning interest in the plush white carpet. Obviously, he’d seen Richard naked hundreds of times in the past but this particular sighting followed a rather steamy dream that he hadn’t quite recovered from.

After a few minutes, Richard returned to the main room with a dark blue towel wrapped around his waist and a smaller one draped over his head. Crossing the room to stand in front of the mirror hanging on the wall, he began to rub his hair dry. “What’s up?” he asked.

Glancing up from the floor, James found himself staring at Richard’s back and his words were stolen by a single drop of water running down Richard’s spine. Unconsciously, he licked his lips as he held himself back from following the drip with his tongue.

He continued to watch as Richard rubbed harder at his head. The movement made his hips shake a little and the towel at his waist was dislodged slightly to expose the top of his right buttock and the dimples at the base of his spine.  In his mind’s eye James saw himself sliding one hand around Richard’s waist whilst slipping the other under the terry fabric to squeeze the pale flesh beneath.

Feeling himself growing hot despite the air conditioning in the room, James closed his eyes and sucked in a breath in an effort to calm down.

Placing the towel around his shoulders, Richard glanced at James in mirror and laughed, “Have the fairies finally taken you away or what?”

James jolted at Richard’s tease and pleading with his skin to disperse the deep crimson flush he felt on his cheeks, he opened his eyes. Looking at Richard’s reflection, he suddenly remembered what he came for. Offering up the foil-wrapped parcel he’d forgotten he had in his hand he said, “No, I’ve brought you breakfast.”

“I don’t like it,” Richard said automatically.

“You don’t know what it is yet!” James exclaimed. “It’s Banh Mi” he added as if that meant anything to anyone.

Richard turned round from the mirror and pulled a face, “I don’t li-” he began before James cut him off.

Tearing open the wrapper, James shoved the parcel in Richard’s direction, “You tried it yesterday! It’s French bread with pork and pickles – look!” _God, he was hard work at times!_  

“Oh.” Richard took the sandwich and, taking off the top slice, removed the pickled carrots and tossed them into the wastepaper basket beside his bed.  Taking a bite, he chewed thoughtfully. “It’s ok I suppose,” he said, not willing to admit that it was, in fact, quite tasty.


	6. Chapter 6

James was quiet for much of the day. He felt his feelings were getting out of control and he thought it best to try and put as much distance as possible between himself and Richard. Pretending that his bike was much slower than it actually was made it very easy. Unfortunately though, Richard was never far from his mind because his present/‘Darcy’ statue that had been bought for him kept bumping him in the back and reminding him.  As the day wore on and the overnight halt drew close, he was frantic about having to spend the evening in ensconced in the hotel with him and he desperately needed a get-out without hurting his feelings. Luckily, it was decided that Richard should be filmed mending his galleon/present that he’d broken during that day’s travel. Even luckier still, Jeremy was up for a few drinks to celebrate his ‘Epiphany’ and new-found love of all things bike and James wholeheartedly followed, although for all together different reasons - mainly to numb his Hammond/May-swashbuckling-sailor fantasies that had taken root and grown with each smash of Richard’s ship.

Disastrously for everyone concerned; far, far too much vodka was consumed and someone somewhere produced a can of spray paint. That was when hell broke loose…

*

Helmet in hand, Richard jogged down the hotel steps. He was the first out, the sun was shining but it was not yet roasting and he was looking forward to the ride ahead. Suddenly a flash of neon pink caught his eye and he stopped dead.

The bike that he’d carefully chosen, the bike that he’d spent upwards of sixteen hours a day riding, the bike that he had bonded with like a friend – _his_ bike had been spoiled – no – _attacked_. And there were no prizes for guessing who was to blame.

After a minute, the heart-stopping shock gave way to sadness on the Minsk’s behalf (he knew he shouldn’t assign machines a personality but, hey…) and he ran his hand over the sun-warmed seat to somehow comfort it. It was then that the anger kicked in.  

He felt exactly as he had when, as a child, he found his Scalextric track snapped.   He knew who had done it and he knew the reason why – sheer malice that he had the better toy. Richard had cried then and dammit if he wasn’t close to it again.

The lump rose in his throat and yes, the tears pricked in his eyes but he was determined not to let those so-called mates of his get the best of him. Biting down hard on his bottom lip, Richard clenched his fists and held his breath in an effort to stop the inevitable but the sobs wouldn’t be stopped and right there in the early morning bustle of a Vietnamese high street, he cried the hot, angry tears of betrayal. He knew that pissing-taking and pranks were the usual fare on the road but this went way beyond that and he vowed to make James and Jeremy pay for what they had done.

“Morning mate.”

Starting at James’ voice behind him, Richard’s blood boiled all over again and, scrubbing hard and fast at his tear-stained cheeks with his sleeve, he spun on his heel to face his turncoat friend. Through gritted teeth he snarled out a, “Fuck you!”

James had known that Richard would be apocalyptically cross about the painting of his bike but he’d hoped to be able to head it off with lightness and another sandwich. Unfortunately, he had underestimated just how big the apocalypse would be.

Snatching the offered breakfast from James’ outstretched hand, Richard threw it into the gutter and stamped on it. “I said, fuck you and fuck your food! Fuck you both to hell!” he hollered.

James reeled at the sudden outburst of violence and he opened his mouth to respond but then the guilt fell through him like an anvil and he immediately closed it again. Jeremy however, wasn’t quite so tactful and a snort of laughter threatened to turn into a real belly-laugh. It was only James’ elbow-jab to his ribs that made him bite his lip.  

Richard tilted his head upwards and saw Jeremy’s expression and the rocking of the shoulders as he struggled to hold back his guffaws. This only made him crosser still and his brown eyes grew black with rage. Staring Jeremy down, he growled in his throat. “You total cunt-”

“Rich-” James tried before getting himself cut off.

The sound of his name made something snap in Richard and, abandoning Jeremy, he turned his anger on James. “I expect this from _him_ ,” he gibed not caring that he was yelling in public. “But you, you’re supposed to be different. You’re supposed to be my friend!” Richard’s voice cracked on the last word and fresh tears sprang forth but he ignored them and carried on with his rant, “But you know what, you’re not; you’re just an arsehole! Just because you picked the wrong bike doesn’t mean you had to ruin mine. What was it? Revenge or just plain meanness? Did dickface here dare you to jump off the bridge or was it all your own doing? Either way, you’re a shit!”

As his words reverberated off the buildings around him he saw the hurt and remorse on James’ face and, in that horrible moment, he was glad. _Let the bastard feel it!_  Twisting the knife a little just because he could, Richard dropped his volume, slowed his words, and with very obvious tears on his anger-hot cheeks, he said, “No, you’re worse than that James, you’re spiteful, just spiteful.”

Rant finally over, Richard swiped his sleeve across his face once more and, pulling himself up straight, he turned and walked away.

James and Jeremy didn’t dare to try and stop him.


	7. Chapter 7

It was Andy, as always, that smoothed things over enough for Richard to agree to carry on but the rest of the day was fraught and carried the atmosphere of the beginning of the trip that could be cut with the proverbial knife.

Richard’s mood didn’t improve at all despite everyone’s best efforts of cajoling, apologies or friendly banter. Nothing could make him feel better. He was angry, disappointed and hurt and he didn’t care who knew it. He sniped at the crew, yelled at other motorists and very deliberately destroyed his galleon at every opportunity. He only spoke to James and Jeremy when filming demanded it but he made it very plain that even that was under duress.  Not even the excruciatingly embarrassing spectacle of a Vietnamese driving test could bring them back together.

James, for his part, felt more miserable than he ever had in his entire life and he deliberately kept his distance from Richard by riding at the back of the convoy. Richard’s words played on a loop in his head and he felt them like the knife they had meant to be.  He also thought about how he had stayed silent even when Richard had jabbed the knife in deeper. It reminded him of the time Richard had opened his arms to hug him but he had gone in for a handshake instead. He had desperately wanted to wrap his arms around him then but he felt he couldn’t for fear that he might never let go and today’s non-reaction had carried the same reasons. If he dared to open his mouth, to acknowledge his feelings in any way, there was no telling what might fall out. He valued Richard’s friendship more than anything and now that was in tatters, all because he had acted when he shouldn’t have and didn’t when he should have. 

He knew he had to put things right but there was only one way to do it and that scared him to death.

*

Wrenching the pillow from behind his head, Richard threw it at the door and yelled out in frustration.

James had been stood in the corridor of their latest hotel for the best part of half an hour; first asking, then begging and finally pleading with Richard to let him in to his room. “Rich, please,” he appealed for the umpteenth time, “I just want to talk. Please, let me put this right; let me explain.”

Richard was exhausted, hungry and he had a raging headache from all the stress he’d been carrying. He didn’t want to fight anymore but he didn’t really want to forgive either, but with a sigh, he finally gave in and opened the door.

Entering the room, James quietly clicked the door shut and with a crooked smile, he held out a small box of Coco Pops, “I’m sorry mate.”

Richard took the cereal and sat on the edge of his bed. Looking up at James, he quietly asked, “Why did you do it?”

“I was drunk and I thought it’d be a laugh.”

Richard ran his hand through his hair and sighed once more. Taking his cigarettes from the bedside cabinet, he lit one and looked back up, “Cut the crap; just tell me the truth.”

James wanted to sit but he didn’t dare, so instead he crossed the floor.  Opening the window he took in the lush green of the grounds below; the irony of being both physically and emotionally backed into a corner was not lost on him. The truth was not something that he wanted to give and he very much doubted that Richard really wanted it but there was nowhere else to go. There was no more playing for time, no more covering up, and no more denials so he took a deep breath, jammed his hands in his pockets and turned round.

He exhaled and looked Richard directly in the eye – if this was the moment where he fucked his entire life in one easy move, he wanted to face it. “I got scared,” he said flatly.

“Scared? What of?”

“You. Or rather my feelings for you. I’ve tried so fucking hard to ignore them, to push them away but this trip, being so close to you, has brought them all out and I didn’t know what to do.  Ganging up on you was my way of getting back to normality-”

Richard just stared. It was as if the planet had just tilted on its axis and everything had gone haywire. All the synapses of his brain were firing all at once and everything looked as if he was in a tunnel with a thousand people speeding past him while he stood still. He honestly couldn’t believe what he was hearing and the shock and bewilderment was written all over his face. This was James, his mate – his best mate; good, old dependable James who had his feet so firmly on the ground that he practically took root. He didn’t do things like this – he didn’t just walk into your room, give you cereal and tell you that he had feelings for you.

Richard could see that James was still talking but he couldn’t hear the words because they were drowned out by the sound of his heart beating full throttle and his blood waterfalling past his ears. He opened his mouth to interrupt but no sound came out so he closed it and tried again…and again...and again. Eventually, he managed to stammer, “Your feelings…for me? You mean… you… want me? …Like _that_?

“Yeah, yeah I do. Look, I’m sorry-”

Without warning; even to himself, Richard jumped to his feet; his hands were shaking, his heart was about to explode and a wave of nausea rolled over him. _This_ was NOT happening; “Get out. Just get the fuck out, right now!” he hollered.

The sound of the door shutting slammed Richard into a silent vacuum that weighted him down and he sank to the floor with a massive sigh.


	8. Chapter 8

Richard had no idea how long he’d sat there on the floor of his hotel room because the whole world had ceased to exist. There was nothing except a feeling of total numbness and James’ words swarming around him, sinking into his bones.

When he eventually came back to himself, he lifted his head and pulled his hands apart that had become stiff from tightly holding his knees close. Blinking, he looked around the room; everything was as it had been – pillow on the floor, open suitcase at the foot of the bed and cigarettes where he had left them. Oddly though, the one he had been smoking earlier was half-finished and chipped in the ashtray and he was sure that the circular burn-mark on the carpet hadn’t been there before.

As he continued his scan of his surroundings, his eyes came to rest on the Coco Pops that James had given him earlier. Its bright yellow branding stood out like a beacon against the pure white of the duvet cover and the cartoon monkey on the box grinned maniacally at the ceiling.

Suddenly, a switch clicked in Richard’s head and with a start he was off the floor. He grabbed the cereal box, wrenched his door open and ran.

*

James’ room was at the end of the corridor and Richard was there in seconds. He hammered on the door and the instant he felt it give, he was through it. In one swift move, he’d kicked it shut, grabbed James by his shirt and spun him round, slamming him against the wood, the door rattling in its frame.

James, partly though shock and partly through the force with which he’d been shoved against his will, said nothing. He just took a breath and braced for the impact.

Richard, on tiptoe and still gripping James’ t shirt was right up in his face, a ball of fire and fury, “I hate you!” he spat.

Although not entirely unexpected, Richard’s reaction still surprised James. They’d had many, many arguments over the years but they had never actually come to blows and he had no idea how to deal with it so he reverted to memory and tried to talk his way out. Forcing a breath against Richard’s fist he tried to explain, “I’m, I’m sorry, Rich, honest I am-”

“Shut the fuck up!” Richard shouted, still inches away from James’ face. “I fucking hate you so much, right now!”

He off at a rant again and there was nothing he could do to stop the words from flowing out of him all at once. “I hate you for keeping it to yourself and saying nothing; I hate you for keeping yourself a secret and I hate you because you made me keep myself a secret. You made me think I had no chance. I hate you for wasting all this time - time that we could have spent together! But most of all – most of all, James – most of all, I hate you for not leaving me any milk. What kind of moron thinks you can eat cereal without milk!”

James had no time to process this utter bombshell because Richard lunged forward, grabbed his jaw and forced his mouth on his in a rough, hard kiss that more teeth and possession than actual technique.  His head donked hard against the door and he could barely breathe as Richard’s tongue took all the available space in his mouth. The ground had fallen away from his feet and he was hanging in the ether, held by mouth, fist and utter, utter astonishment.

Eventually though, a small eternity passed, sense kicked in and James was able to make two brain cells rub together enough to make his arms work to push Richard off him.

Wide-eyed and panting, Richard stepped back and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand; “Fuck! Shit!”

James felt the remorse and shock in waves and he instinctively reached forward and held Richard still. Shaking him a little, he told him over and over that everything was ok until Richard’s breathing was back under control and he had focussed on him.

“It’s alright, it’s alright; everything’s alright, Rich.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

Guiding Richard over to the bed, James pushed him down to sit beside him. “So…” he began.

Richard glanced sideways and smiled shyly, “Yeah, so…”

For a minute James didn’t answer but the silence became too heavy so he took a deep breath and said, “One question, Rich; was it the lack of milk that brought about that small hurricane or was it my unbelievably ill-timed and ill thought out confession of my feelings?”

A grin exploded over Richard’s face, “Definitely the milk!” he laughed.

Cracking up, James shoved him playfully on the arm, “Idiot!”


	9. Chapter 9

That night on the train, James had wanted to sit with Richard so they could have a ‘proper’ conversation about everything but it was packed so they all had to squeeze in anywhere they could and they ended up spaced far apart with about a thousand people between them.  Besides, there was filming to do first. There was _always_ filming to do first.

He was already pretty tired by the time they boarded but after god knows how many hours, his brain was frazzled from being awake forever, his fingers were sore from trying to untangle the insane mess that was the rigging on Hammond’s ship (he was sure it was a metaphor for his current situation) and he was in desperate need of sleep. If it was possible to get anything even close to sleep packed in like a fat sardine with only a wooden bench to lie on. 

No sooner had he shut his eyes, he was being shaken awake by Richard telling him that he couldn’t sleep. _Well that’s nice for you!_ “Got any food?” Richard whined as he plopped himself down on James’ bench.

“Who am I, Jamie Oliver?” James snarked. Curling himself up tighter to stop Richard squashing him, he tried to sleep once more but Richard was having none of it.

“I’m starving!”

Huffing in frustration, James waved his hand vaguely in the direction of the table in front of him that was full of half-fixed galleon, “See what’s in my bag, it’s under the prow.”

After digging so far in James’ bag that he was in danger of reincarnating Mary Poppins, all Richard could come up with was three squashed and dusty Softmints. Brushing one off on his trouser leg, he popped it in him mouth and chewed. “James?”

“What?”

“What’s happening?”

“I’m trying to sleep and you’re annoying me?”

“That’s not what I meant. I know you said we’d sort things out properly when we got home but, well… I can’t wait that long.”

_Ah!_  

Heaving himself upright, James stretched and rubbed his eyes. “You freaking out a bit?” he said groggily. Richard could only smile and shrug in reply. Squeezing his knee, James smiled back, “Don’t worry, so am I. I had it all sorted in my head what I was going to say but life never works out like that, does it. I’m hoping that everything will stay the same between us – you know, the way we are together but…” He trailed off as his tired brain failed him.

Richard breathed a huge sigh of relief, “That’s what I want too,”

“Well, there we are then.”

“Right.”

James laughed and shook his head, “This is ridiculous! We promised we wouldn’t be weird with other and now we’re stuck on HMS Awkward.”

“No we’re not; we’re on a train.”

James grinned, cuffed Richard round the head any they both dissolved into giggles.

“Listen,” James said; “We’re both exhausted; let’s just get through this. Swinging his legs up onto the bench, he stretched them over Richard’s lap and laid down, “And right now, I just want to get through to the morning.”

Richard propped his feet on the table and laid his head on James’ hip. Feeling James’ hand slide into his hair, he closed his eyes. _Maybe everything would be alright after all._


	10. Chapter 10

Despite the decapitation of Darcy and the rather inconvenient cock-up with the tickets, the mood on the way from Hanoi was light. It had the same air as that of the last day of school and everyone was enjoying themselves – Jeremy’s new-found love of all things bike was still holding up and the weight had lifted from James and Richard.

The happiness of reaching the finishing line was short-lived however, when an unexpected golden envelope appeared.

“What the fuck is this?!” shouted Jeremy.

The whole crew was silent – they had known about the surprise addition to the mission but had been sworn to secrecy. It was Andy that spoke up, “Now, before you start; it’ll make great telly and the prize is the coolest bar in the world.”

Jeremy waved his arm dramatically at the sea, “I’ve got cracked ribs and a fucked foot! How the hell am I supposed to sail all the way out there?”

“Ahh, you’ll manage,” Andy dismissed. “Besides, it’s my little act of revenge on you lot for being such arses all the way from Saigon. It’s the only thing that has stopped me from strangling you all in your sleep.”

A small argument ensued but everything had been arranged so there was nothing that anyone could do. That night, Richard snuck off and bought James a traditional leaf hat. It had a poem written inside that could only be read when held up to the sunlight and although he couldn’t read it, he hoped that it contained words of love. 

*

It had to be up there with the most insane thing they had ever done and the whole sail had turned into a comedy of errors that culminated with James miles behind and half under water and Jeremy and Richard stuck in a cave with no reverse gear and no easy way out.

Although they were on an Andy-imposed time limit, the air in the cave was cool and they both decided to rest a bit before the final push to the end. Jeremy fished his cigarettes out of a plastic bag in his pocket and lit one up, sighing happily on the exhale he said, “I’ve bloody enjoyed myself on this one.”

Richard laughed, “No you haven’t, you lying git; you pissed and moaned through ninety percent of it!”

“Yeah well…so did you.”

Richard shrugged by way of an answer, “Yeah but I think I may have found a reason to forget the treachery I suffered.”

Jeremy’s senses pricked up at the hint of gossip and he asked Richard to clarify.

Richard opened his mouth to explain but found it wasn’t so easy so he closed it again. How exactly do you tell your best friend and colleague of some years standing that you were about to, maybe, possibly, hopefully about to embark on a relationship with another best friend and colleague of some years standing? Richard sure as hell didn’t know.

Jeremy could see the Hamsters cogs turning so he knew that it must be something big but he also knew Richard. If you pushed him on anything, he simply dug in and pushed back so Jeremy sucked on his cigarette and did his best to remain patient.

Richard searched his brain for the right words but he realised that there really weren’t any so he plumped for what he hoped was a knowing look and said, “Me and James, we’re… you know…me and him…” he trailed off as the awkwardness set in.

At first, Jeremy _didn’t_ know but as Richard’s cheeks turned a deep red, he began to and then, finally, the penny dropped. If it had been physical, you would have heard it clanging all the way around the bay. “You and him!” he yelped, spluttering on his cigarette smoke. “What really, you and Captain Slow – _Like that_.”

“Yeah,” said Richard definitely. “I mean, we haven’t, um, ironed out the details or anything but, well, we’ve talked.” He knew that what he’d just said was the understatement of the century but it was all a bit difficult to explain and he wasn’t sure he wanted it all on Clarkson FM just yet anyway.

“Right.” For the first time in his life, Jeremy had absolutely nothing to say. He wasn’t overly shocked at the news - the clues had always been there if you knew where to look; he was more _amused_ , if anything. Amused at Hammond’s total embarrassment (he’d never been like that when discussing any of his past relationships) and amused at the thought of the two of them declaring their love for each other over a hot motorbike and bowl of Cornflakes. He had a sudden vision of James with a flipchart and a pointy stick, lecturing Richard on his lust levels and growing emotional attachment via a series of pie charts and line graphs. He didn’t mean to laugh, he just couldn’t help it.

“Oh, well; if you’re gonna take the piss…”

Jeremy waved Richard’s annoyance away and bit his lip in an effort to stop himself, “No, listen; it’s fine, I’m sorry.” Taking a deliberate deep breath, he spoke more seriously, “Honestly mate, if it’s what you both want, then go for it. If I had to pick a partner for you, I would say James is the one to go for. You’ll probably die of boredom by Christmas but that’s your look out.”

Richard smiled. He hadn’t been looking for Jeremy’s approval but it was nice to have it anyway.

Chuckling again, Jeremy splashed his foot in the water, “Here, have you two…” Jeremy tilted his head and interlaced his fingers into a triangle to euphemistically illustrate his question.

Richard roared with laughter at the ridiculous teenage manifestation in front of him. Kicking his legs wildly and deliberately, he half-soaked Jeremy with the cool, blue seawater of the cave making him yelp, dive sideways and and shoot his hand in the air to stop his fag from drowning. Eventually though, he was able to answer, “Not that it’s any of your business, you nosey git but no, we haven’t. It’s too soon for that.”

Jeremy raised an eyebrow, “Blimey, if you’re waiting, it must be serious.”

After completing a one thousand point turn, both men were free from the cave of confession and ready to start the final leg. Richard hopped onto Jeremy’s paddle steamer, kick-started the engine and was just about to jump back onto his swan pedalo when Jeremy grabbed his arm and held him still. “Seriously, Rich; I am happy for the pair of you but just do me one favour – don’t fuck it up.”


	11. Chapter 11

As Jeremy climbed off his Vespa Steamer and onto the dock, Andy was already there to meet him. Clapping him on the back, he thrust an ice cold beer in his hand and congratulated him.

“Don’t you ‘well done, mate’ me.”  His words might have sounded harsh but they carried no venom. With an exhausted grin and a returned back slap, he gratefully took the beer and flopped down in one of the three chairs at the water’s edge.

Sipping his beer, he watched as Hammond sailed into view and he laughed as the noise of arsey swearing reached him. Well, he thought, the day had certainly been one for revelations – and he wasn’t just thinking about the new relationship status of his two best friends. From the very beginning of the trip, he didn’t for one minute think that he would make it to the finishing line, never mind actually _win_ ; especially not after he crashed his bike and nearly died.

Sitting there as the Vietnamese sunset fell around him, he felt as if something had shifted in his universe; not just with Richard and James but within him too. That epiphany he’d had on the road out of Huê had been totally genuine and very meaningful to him. It wasn’t just about discovering a love for biking but something deeper about his own self. He felt he had grown a little and he realised that he wasn’t the only one that would be changed by the whole adventure. He always pretended not to be competitive but the reality was that he was the most competitive man alive but there was no gloating. Even though he’d reached the finishing line first; he felt that it was Richard and James that had really won the prize.

Jeremy’s laughter was long and loud as Richard tried valiantly and somewhat crossly tried to reach the dock and, just because he could, he absolutely refused to help. Eventually though, Richard managed to moor up (if you could call it that) and he was sat beside Jeremy with an identical bottle of beer.

Gulping it down gratefully, Richard swore in relief that it was finally all over. “We fucking did it!”

“Not yet we haven’t; your boyfriend is still out there.”

“I suppose he is,” Richard replied, not talking about James still being on the water. A serious silence descended for a moment until Richard turned in his seat and nudged Jeremy with his beer, “Listen, about what you said earlier, in the cave; I won’t, I promise”

Jeremy smiled and held out his little finger which Richard shook with his own thus marking the unbreakable pledge for evermore.

The solemnity was immediately shattered by a cacophony of shouts coming from somewhere across the bay, “Oh look, here comes The Captain,” said Jeremy, cracking into laughter once again.

“Captain my arse, he’s fucking sinking!”

It was the funniest spectacle either of them had witnessed for a very long time and they could do nothing but laugh – real side-aching, tear inducing, belly laughs of the truly hilarious that only got worse when James did finally sink and began to swim across the bay.

As Richard watched and cried and guffawed, his heart began to swell in his chest. There in front of him making the most undignified arrival at a finishing point in history was his boyfriend – _his_. He realised that this didn’t mark the end but instead it was a beginning – the beginning of the two of them. Together. No more would they have keep their feelings secret from the other, no more would they have to pretend to only care about each other in the sense of mates and no more would they have to lie awake at night wishing it wasn’t so.

When James dropped the remains of the Darcy statue that Richard had bought him on the dock, Richard thought he really was going to cry. Covering it with more laughter, he said nothing but the very thought that James had cared enough to rescue it from a watery grave brought a lump of true happiness to his throat.

James scrambled onto on the dock and threw himself down into the free chair with a sigh to end all sighs. He was soaking wet, exhausted, battered and bruised and he didn’t even want to think about what he’d just been swimming in. Richard however, couldn’t care less. Grabbing James’ hand, he pulled him sideways and kissed him. “Well done, mate,” he said with a grin.

James’ reply was drowned out by a whole bar’s worth of clapping, cheering and wolf-whistling.


	12. Chapter 12

James gently shook Richard until he was awake; whispering in his ear he said, “Come with me, I want to show you something.”

The local people of Ba Hang had insisted that everyone stay for food and drink that had, of course, turned into a riotous night of alcohol and partying that left everyone too drunk to sail back to the mainland.

Leading him by the hand through the countless sleeping bodies camped out on the old, wooden floor; James took Richard down to the water’s edge. Grasping his biceps, he stood behind him and pointed over his shoulder, “Look.”

Across the still, black water about midway up in the equally black sky was the biggest moon Richard had ever seen. The top chord was a soft cream that slowly melted into a bright orangey-yellow that sank to a deep cinnabar at the bottom. As he watched, a wisp of grey cloud floated across it and vanished like smoke in the wind. “It’s beautiful,” Richard breathed.

“That’s why I wanted you to see it,” James said unnecessarily. Easing himself down onto the dock, he swung his legs over the side to dangle in the air above the waterline and lit a cigarette; the orange flame momentarily lighting up his face. With a nod, he passed it to Richard who took it and, ignoring the fact that he was trying to give them up, sucked down a lungful. For a few moments they sat without talking, just sharing the smoke and watching the clouds float across the giant moon. The only sounds were their own breathing and the gentle lapping of the sea.

Tossing the butt into the water, James sighed in contentment, “This is the perfect night for a swim,” he said. “You coming?”

“Fuck off; it’s the middle of the night!” Richard scoffed; “Besides the fact that I didn’t think to bring my trunks, there’s the very real risk of dying out there.”

James snorted in derision, “You sound like one of those dodgy public information films we were forced to watch as kids. Nothing’s going to happen – watch -” With a push, James slid off the dock and vanished into the night.

“Shit! James? James? Fuck!” There was no hiding the panic in Richard’s voice as he urgently and loudly whispered into the night. It was too dark to see clearly so he strained his ears for any signs of life. Hearing nothing, he threw himself onto his stomach, stretched his head over the edge and called out again, “James, James; fuck sake, where are you?”

Suddenly, the dark space under the pier was illuminated by the small flame of a cigarette lighter and James was visible. Sat cross-legged in a small Vietnamese fishing boat a few feet below, he grinned wickedly at Richard. “You coming in?” he asked.

“You bastard!” Richard may have sworn but his relief was plain. Jumping down to join James, he gave him a slap on his arm. “You knew this was here didn’t you?”

James just shrugged, “Maybe.”

Richard sat next to James but the weight was off and the boat tipped wildly at one end, making him squeal and jump back up.

Laughing, James quickly stretched out to lie down and rebalance the boat, “You really aren’t a sailor, are you, Hammond?”

“And what are you, Captain Birdseye?” Richard retorted as he took hold of James’ outstretched hand and gingerly lay beside him.

James couldn’t think of a witty enough come-back so instead, he leaned in and kissed Richard on the mouth. It was quick and almost chaste but it was enough to tilt the atmosphere. “Do that again,” Richard whispered.

James did it much slower that time; tipping Richard’s chin closer to him with the underside of his index finger and advancing deliberately until their lips were touching. Richard angled his head slightly and opened his mouth enough to allow James to slide his tongue against his.

Moaning softly, they both fell into the warmth and slight taste of cigarettes and chewing gum.

Pulling him closer, James snaked his arm around Richard’s waist and under his t shirt to rest his palm against the warm skin of his back.

The cool of James’ fingers made Richard shiver but he didn’t stop, in fact, he quickened the pace of the kiss and wrapped a leg around James’ waist.

They continued like this for a few more moments until James’ cock twitched and he pulled away. “Sorry…” he began.

“It’s alright,” Richard whispered gently.

“I’ve never got a hard-on just from kissing before.”

Richard laughed, “I have. Anyway, it’s to be expected – you’ve met me before, right?”

“Cocky bugger!” James teased but immediately relaxed back into the embrace.

They continued to kiss for a few more minutes, wrapped up tight together with legs entwined and hands roaming warm skin until James broke away to pull Richard onto his knees. Slowly he removed his t shirt and tossed it lightly down to the stern of the boat. Kneeling between Richard’s thighs he ran a line of kisses down his neck and over his throat.

The lightness of James’ touch sent shivers running down Richard’s spine and he gasped at the sensitivity making James respond with gentle nips and nibbles all the way back up to his ear and down again. Richard moaned softly and held James’ head, pushing him in tighter to bite that little bit harder.

Caught up in the moment, James latched on and pushed his tongue forward to suck at the delicate skin in the curve between shoulder and neck. He briefly thought it was a bad idea and not particularly becoming of a middle-aged man to leave love bites but that thought was thoroughly thrown out by Richard’s breathy swearing and the unconscious grip of his fingers into his hair.

Eventually though, he let go and licked a soothe over the dark bloom that was visible under the moonlight. Pushing Richard in the centre of his chest to lay down, he straddled his hips and ground down on his very obvious erection.

“Sorry about that, I got carried away,” he panted.

Richard grinned at him, “Don’t be, I love it.”

Shrugging, James braced his hands on both sides of Richard’s head and said, “How about this then.” Dipping downwards, he smacked a kiss on Richard’s lips, tipped his head up and kissed a deliberate line down over his neck, his chest and down the trail of his stomach. His skin was soft and tasted vaguely of sweat but James didn’t care, he was loving it and judging by the delicious sounds that were coming from Richard, he did too.

Pausing momentarily at his waistband James glanced upwards until Richard raised his head and looked at him. Winking, James stuck out his tongue and licked a fast stripe back the way he’d come.

The sensation made Richard’s skin explode in quivers of arousal that stretched right through his torso and down the backs of his legs. Sucking a breath though his teeth, he swore and threw back his head, donking it hard enough on the wooden floor of the boat to make it rock sideways.

“Easy!” James admonished as he lurched to the left and gripped the edge for fear of falling.

Richard just giggled and rocked his hips up into James’ crotch, making both of their cocks jolt with anticipation.

Suddenly, all the years of thinking and wishing to know how it would be to have James hard and wanting above him became very real and a frisson of nerves darted through Richard. Deciding to combat it with action, he gripped the hem of James’ shirt and scrabbled to undo the buttons.

James could feel the anxiety in Richard’s fingers – hell, he was full of it himself – but he held him still. He needed things to stay slow but he masked it by saying, “Whoa, I’ve been in the sea enough today, don’t capsize this thing and put me back there.”

Sensing the truth calmed Richard a little – they truly were in the same boat but he _really_ didn’t want to stop so instead he slowed down and once all of James’ buttons were undone, he sat up and eased the cotton from his shoulders.

The moonlight reflected off the angles of his body, tingeing his pale skin with a washed-out yellow. The soft, sparse brown hair on his chest was almost silver as it caught the miniscule light and Richard couldn’t help running his fingertips down his chest. Biting his lip quickly to stop himself from saying something stupid, he wrapped his wrists around James’ neck and kissed him long and slow as he leant back, taking James with him.

They laid like that for the longest time, connected at crotch, stomach and lips with James’ hands beside Richard’s head again and the sea breeze cooling their skin. They kissed softly and rocked their hips together, feeling the pleasure and arousal wash though them and into the other until it all became too much and they absolutely _needed_ each other.

“I know we are half-way there but I think we are still wearing too many clothes,” Richard whispered into James’ ear.

There was no argument from James and they briefly parted to dispose of both khakis and pants. Even though they had both seen each other naked many, many times, this was different. This type of nakedness held meaning and it could bring judgement and James, for one was glad of the darkness as he stripped.

Lying on his side as he had earlier, James propped his head on his hand and waved the other over himself, “Sorry I’m so…unfit – you should have met me twenty years ago.”

Richard’s heart cracked a little and he lay down, mirroring his partner. Resting his hand on James’ stomach he felt the tension there where James was trying to hold it in and he told him to stop it.  “Twenty years ago I was still a teenager and I didn’t have a clue what I wanted. Now though, I’m knocking on the door of forty and I know _exactly_ what I want - you – unfit bits and all. Besides, I’m getting that way too,” he pinched his middle to emphasise his point and pulled James closer.

James relaxed his muscles and huffed out a laugh, “Shall we be old and fat together, then?”

“Less of the old,” laughed Richard; “I’m only thirty-eight.”

“Thirty-nine,” James pointedly said and he received a shove for his trouble that sent a small wave splashing against the side of the boat.

James ran his hand up Richard’s chest to nestle at his jaw. Pulling him in, he kissed him quickly and slid his palm round to the back of his neck and down. His skin was still warm despite the slight breeze and totally smooth. He was content for a minute to just dance his fingertips over Richard’s shoulders and spine and watch the moonlight highlight all the angles of his body.

Richard felt the silence close in around them and the world emptied as he tingled against James’ touch. Bringing his own fingers into play, he gently stroked down James’ chest and the now lax podge of his stomach. Sliding over James’ hip, he paused for a second as listened to his own desire. Deciding to act on it, he moved his hand towards James’ cock and darted his gaze up to mutely ask for permission.

The tiny flicker in James’ eyes was all he needed to carry on.

Sliding his palm between James’ cock and his stomach, he made a fist and rested there. A shiver ran through him as James unconsciously twitched against his hand but he kidded himself that it was due to the gentle wind blowing over him and nothing to do with the nerves in his belly. Mentally shaking them away, he tightened his grip and started to move. Knowing James as he did, he kept his rhythm as slow as possible but his natural instinct for speed was barely hidden under the surface and he felt his arm tense.

James felt it too and holding Richard’s bicep he told him to relax, “You’re not going to break me, you know,” he teased gently.

Richard blushed and told him that he knew but couldn’t help it so James grabbed Richard’s cock, now as hard and as flat against his stomach as his own.  With a little thought and encouragement they were soon wanking each other in tandem and Richard’s nerves faded away with the pleasure of it.

Kissing and nibbling at his neck once more, James felt the pre-come run over his fingers and he whispered in Richard’s ear, “Tell me what you want.”

James’ warm breath made Richard shiver and a tremble exploded though him. With all caution thrown to the wind he answered, “I want to taste you.” He had spent many nights sucking James off in his head and now he actually had the chance he wanted it desperately. If James had shoved his head down there, he would have gone willingly without any fight at all. Of, course, James didn’t do anything close to that; he just rolled onto his back, placed his hands behind his head and let him.

Kneeling between James’ legs, Richard braced his hands beside his hips. It had been so long since he’d had a cock in mouth that for a second he thought he’d forgotten what to do but of course, that was nonsense and with a lick of lips, Richard dived in.

Slowly he sucked James in and as the saliva ran in his mouth, he tightened his grip with his cheeks and sucked as far down as he dared. Balancing on one arm, he brought his hand up to hold the base of James’ cock on the upwards move. Reaching the head, Richard closed his lips to rub over the sensitive skin and the second before he left his mouth he sucked back in making James swear with gratification.

That was all he needed to continue and for a few minutes he kept the same rhythm of slow, deep sucks right to the tip until James slid his hands into his hair and pressed slightly for a harder and faster suck.

Richard didn’t need to be told twice so he upped the ante and used his right hand to follow his mouth, twisting his wrist on the upstroke and swiping his tongue around the tip of James’ cock when he reached it.

James’ senses were swimming with urgent desire and he desperately wanted to see what Richard was giving him. Lifting his head, he braced his hands tight and drank in the view from below. _Christ!_  He’d dreamed of that view for years and there it was made flesh in front of him; but all of a sudden it became too much and his cock jolted against the roof of Richard’s mouth and he was afraid that he might come so, squeezing his eyes tight shut he flopped his head back down and gulped in huge lungfuls of cool sea air in an effort to calm himself.

Richard knew those signs of old and he couldn’t help smiling around James’ cock. With one last long suck he withdrew and rose up to be eye-level with James. “You alright?” he asked, knowing full well what the answer would be.

James just huffed at his hair, shook his head in disbelief and grabbed Richard’s face with both hands. Pulling him in, he kissed him strong and hard that was full-on lust and spit.

Shoving him away, James threw his head back against the floor of the fishing boat and sighed. With a laugh he said, “You casually walk around every day like nothing but underneath you’re hiding a talent like that!”

Richard chuckled at that and said, “I do my best.” The self-deprecating did nothing to hide the pride that he felt in reducing James to a huffing, shaky mess.

Encouraging Richard back onto his side, James kissed him again; slower and softer than before. Stroking his hand over Richard’s arms and down his sides, he grabbed his bum and squeezed making Richard moan in his throat. Pulling him tight against him, he deepened the kiss and squeezed again. He’d always loved Richard’s arse and now that he finally got to have a handful, he wasn’t going to waste it. Besides, the delicious sound that Richard made trembled into his mouth and made him harder still.

Richard rocked his hips and shivered as his cock rubbed against James’ but as he felt James’ fingers widen and delve into the cleft of his buttocks a note of doubt surfaced and when James’ middle finger stroked the tight pucker of his arsehole he fully flinched and pulled away.

James immediately withdrew and broke all contact. Laying his hand very deliberately in the gap that Richard had just created, he said, “Sorry, I thought…” before trailing off and letting Richard be.

Richard squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip, he really didn’t want to fuck it all up but there it was… he didn’t want James to think that he’d done anything wrong because he really hadn’t but embarrassment was a hard thing to kick through. Eventually though, he found the courage to attempt to explain, “Sorry…it’s just… it’s been a while, that’s all. A _long_ while.”

Mentally, James breathed a sigh of relief – he’d thought of nothing else since the final race had been sprung on them and he was unbelievably glad that he hadn’t fucked it all up. “It’s ok,” he whispered gently; “I won’t do anything you don’t want…”

Richard smiled with relief. He didn’t know what he’d been so worried about – he should have known that James wouldn’t be anything but totally understanding about the whole business. He had literally trusted him with his life on more occasions than he could count and he knew that he could totally trust him with this too. “I do…I do want,” he started in a rush but paused to properly formulate his words. With a breath, he started again, “If I’m going to let anyone go that far with me, it’s going to be you but – and I can’t believe I’m going to say this – but… can we go slowly?”

James chuckled at the irony and pulled Richard into a loose hug, “As you know, that’s one thing I _can_ do.” As he held him, he could feel the tension flood out of Richard’s muscles and he knew that everything was going to be alright.

Sitting up, James retrieved his trousers from where he’d thrown them and rummaged in one of the deep leg pockets. Finding the small tube of lubricant, he lay back down and placed it in Richard’s hand.

“Where the fuck did you get that from out here?!” Richard damn near squealed but remembered the two dozen or so crew members sleeping just a few feet above and quietened himself.

James just smiled, “The same place as your cereal – Ben is a very strange man.”

“You told him you wanted to…”

“No!” James countered quickly, “I told him that the local lads needed it to make my traditional fishing knots easier to tie.”

“And he fell for that?”

“Fuck knows. He just gave it to me.”

Richard didn’t quite believe him but he wasn’t about to wake Ben up to find out. Giving the tube back to James, he asked, “So, where do you want me?”

Umpteen different positions flicked though James’ mind but he dismissed them all as either being too impersonal for their fist time or too dangerous on account of being in a small and somewhat rickety wooden boat. Finally deciding, he told Richard to turn around.

Lying back to chest, he ran a line of kisses along Richard’s shoulder to both please and soothe any nerves that were still hanging about. “You will tell me if I hurt you or you want to stop or anything, won’t you?” he said softly.

Richard nodded that he would but he doubted that he would actually have any need. This was James after all.

Running the flat of his hand down Richard’s spine and over his hip, James came to rest in the join of his thighs. With a nudge of encouragement, Richard opened his legs and supported the top one with his foot.

James returned to dotting tiny kisses over Richard that made him wriggle and moan against him and when he felt that he was sufficiently relaxed, he delicately slipped his index finger between his buttocks just as he had before. He half expected Richard to freak out again but he didn’t so he stroked gently and pushed at his opening a little.

Richard had all but forgotten what had made him scared earlier and he had completely forgotten just how luscious being touched so intimately could feel so, wanting more, he bucked his hips back against the touch and got it.

Richard’s response piqued James’ desire for him and his cock leapt obscenely against his stomach and a strand of pre-come ran down his length. Swiping it with his index finger he sucked it down and moaned at the taste of himself.

“Filthy bugger,” Richard said as the lust spiked in him. “Give me some.”

James immediately obliged, coating his fingers and reaching around Richard’s neck to push his fingers into his mouth. He knew right there and then that sex with Richard Hammond was going to be as good if not better than he’d ever imagined and he absolutely _had_ to get in there. 

Squeezing at the lube, he slicked up his fingers and rubbed them generously at Richard’s areshole. Pushing with his index finger he slid slowly in up to the second joint. He took as much time as he could knowing as he did how long it had been since Richard had been in such a position. When he was sure that he was ready, he added a second finger and repeated the process. Pushing and sliding and twisting, he opened Richard up and tried to block out the wonderful sounds flying from Richard’s mouth should he lose it right there and come all over his back. He thought briefly of clamping his hand over Richard’s mouth but that just turned him on all the more so he settled for telling him to shut up lest he should wake everyone.

Richard bit down on his bottom lip and did his best to keep quiet but it was insanely hard – in both senses of the word. He was damn near close to heaven and he probably would have begged if James had asked him to but thankfully he pushed in a third finger and made his eyes roll back in his head.

He’d never _needed_ a cock inside him before but hell if he didn’t need one now and he straight out told James so.

James’ need to be inside Richard was insurmountable so, squeezing out the rest of the lube, he generously coated his cock and lined himself up. “Tell me when, ok,” he said, breathlessly impatient.

Despite the lust overload bouncing between them, James knew that he absolutely had to take his time so he held himself steady and took a few deep breaths to calm himself. When he felt sure that he wouldn’t dive overboard he gripped the base of his cock and pushed himself in.

When he was about halfway there, he felt Richard’s hand grip his arm and he heard the word, “When.” He held still until, a few beats later, Richard’s internal muscles relaxed enough and he was able to push all the way inside him. With one arm braced under his head and the other finger-tight on Richard’s leg, James began the soft, slow rock that he loved and he knew that Richard wanted.

Richard truly had forgotten how absolutely fucking wonderful it felt to be filled to the hilt by another man and he thought that his heart might burst with the feeling. The fact that it was James giving it to him only doubled the sensation. It took a couple of minutes but the rhythm was soon there and they both were lost to each other.

Not that he would dare to admit it but James was as close as he had ever been to falling in love in his life. He was floating in a hand-crafted fishing boat in the middle of the ocean with the biggest moon he’d ever seen right in his eye line having accomplished the impossible and he was making love to his best friend.  Closing his eyes, he sighed against Richard’s warm skin and rocked his hips in time with the sea.

For the longest time they lay together with no sounds except for the cool water lapping around them and their own breathy moans of happiness and desire until, eventually, the urgency returned and the tell-tale feelings of orgasm began to grow.

Pulling at James’ hand, Richard wrapped it around his cock and directed him into a shuffle that quickly grew in speed as he upped the tempo of his hips and full-on fucked him. He could hear his breathing getting louder and more high-pitched but it sounded as if it was coming from somewhere and someone else. James couldn’t have shut him up even if he’d wanted to. He was getting closer and closer until, finally, the internal tingle exploded and he came hard over James’s fist.

The post-orgasm spasms were too much for James to keep control of himself and he had about two seconds of thought left before his vision shattered and he thrust deep into Richard for the final time and gave him his own orgasm.

Both slick with sweat and sticky in all the right places, they laid still until the world became real again and their breath retuned to normal. Eventually though, James slipped from Richard and he eased himself upright. Trying not to wipe Richard’s come on the wood; he leant over, picked up his shirt and dipped it into the sea.

Wringing it out over the side of the boat, he wiped his hands and his groin and passed it to Richard for his own clean-up. He made a mental note to hang it somewhere to dry overnight as he had no idea when they would reach the support lorry that held his suitcase and the last of his clean clothes.

Richard did a double-take at Captain Fastidious’ unexpected sacrifice of his shirt but he said nothing – sex could do funny things to a man.

When they were both as clean as they were going to get with the tools available they risked capsizing the boat to put their trousers back on. It was a wobbly and perilous affair but they just about managed it without incident.

Lying down on his back, James lit a cigarette and motioned for Richard to join him.

Richard lay down carefully and rested his head in the crook of James’ collarbone. Crossing his feet at the ankles he, for the second time that night, ignored the fact that he trying to give up and took the cigarette from James’ hand.

Sucking down a lungful of smoke, he blew a string of perfect circles up into the night air and passed it back.

“I’ve always loved the way you do that,” James said; “Will you teach me how to do it?”

“You never learned?” Richard asked only half surprised.

“Nope. That and drifting has always eluded me.”

Richard laughed and snuggled into James’ hold. “Course I will,” he said. He had a sneaky feeling that there were a few things that James could teach him too.

As they shared the smoke, a happy silence descended between them that neither man felt the need to fill.

Richard took the last drag and leant up to throw the butt over the side. As he did so, he kissed James quickly on the lips. “Thanks,” he said.

“What for?” James asked.

“For being brave and speaking up; I don’t think I ever would have said anything. I’ve always been a coward when it comes to things like that.”

James smiled, “It may come as a surprise, Hammond, but I’m not exactly the bravest man on the planet either. Even though it was killing me, I would have stayed as I was and had you as just a friend rather than open my mouth and risk it all.”

Before Richard could reply, James darted upright, “Oh, I nearly forgot.”

Digging about in his seemingly endless trouser pockets, he brought out a small orange box. “I really wanted to get you a proper present but time got away from me so I’ll have to give you this instead. It’s the last one.”

Richard took the package and burst out laughing – it was a box of Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. “Is this a bad time to mention that I don’t li-” He stopped speaking before James could throw him overboard and instead he wrapped his arms around James’ neck and simply said, “Thank you.”

The End


End file.
